Since I was nine years old, no one has looked me in the eyes. It’s always been down at my chin, cheeks, forehead, etc. From being bullied in middle school to being harassed by your own dad about skincare products. I first got acne when I was in fifth grade. It wasn’t noticeable at all it was just small bumps under my lip on my chin. I went to an esthetician and they went away. It only came back 100x harder in seventh grade. All over my T zone. Forehead, under my nose, chin; Everywhere except my cheeks. I was so embarrassed. The only kid in seventh grade with overwhelmingly inflamed acne. I got called so many names, that whole year I just kept looking down, because I didn’t want anyone to see me. This time I went to a dermatologist, and they gave me clindamycin, tretinoin and some antibiotics. With using these, going to an esthetician, and cutting dairy and eggs my skin was the clearest it ever was. Then in high school my acne didn’t come back until sophomore year. It was just normal teenage acne on my chin so I didn’t think much of it. I still did skin care, ate healthy, and worked out so I knew that it would just go away with time. Boy was I wrong. Junior year I started getting acne on my cheeks and jaw. Senior year, everywhere. This summer, everywhere. Inflamed, painful hormonal acne. Not even an exaggeration. I’ve literally never felt comfortable in my own skin. I’ve always felt gross, uncleanly, and incapable of any love or being accepted. To this day I won’t look people in the eyes. I hate meeting new people and going to new places. Because I know, the first impression I have on people is how bad my acne is. But, to this day I’ve never covered it with makeup. I continue to go out in public and try to make eye contact. I will never hide it, because it’s who I am unfortunately, and I don’t like lying to people about what I look like.

So, people’s eyes, waking up with new pimples, accidently hitting my face and cause me so much pain have been a constant reminder that I am hiding behind a mask.

Ais